WK3 - Ceremonial Crunch

We can only go so long without a Crunch.

WK3 is in the books and we have a new leader; Sitch, who had been chasing the Lion's tail, had a super-Saturday to remember and now finds himself leading the League.

"Can you say, 'HAZZZ!'?" screamed a sarcastic Sitch.

Here are the charts, courtesy of the stats machine:

Sitch was this week's top bread winner, bringing home an astounding 183.25 fantasy points, topping Burgundy, who was second with 149.05 fantasy points. Dick Burns, who has been asleep for much of the season so far, came in third with 125.35 fantasy points, even though he's yet to put Erik Karlsson  on his starting roster (who's been picking up a pile of points since his return). Tree Bone clocked in with 114.30 fantasy points, and Safari brought in 104.30 fantasy points (the lowest of the week and his poorest showing thus far).

"Ebbs and flows, bitch!" snickered Burgundy towards Safari.

 Sitch has also overtaken the lead in PPGP; he now owns a League-leading 4.09 (+0.35 vs. last week) but is still closely followed by second-place Safari (4.03). Dick Burns, however, had the biggest PPGP improvement during WK3; he added a whopping 0.37 PPGP.

As for the Rainbow, Sitch was able to get better scoring this week from his players, boosting his player statistics to slightly better averages than League-wide scoring. What remains to be Sitch's foundation is still goalie statistics, though; his combination of Bishop (DAL), Crawford (CHI) and Murray (PIT) average 6.24 PPGP while owning the best winning %, GAA and save %. While this pace cannot possibly last, one has to wonder when exactly it is going to stop.

"I remember when I used to have insane goalie stats," chimed in Dick, who has been reeling with the struggles of Price (MTL). "It was a different time..."

No major movement in rank, with the exception of Sitch leapfrogging Safari into first. Safari's streak of leading Randy's Children has been capped at two weeks.

Not much else to report in the Randy Leagues at this time. As mentioned previously, I've been in close contact with Sitch and Safari, both who have started (or will be starting) new employment opportunities. These events, though outside the world of fantasy hockey, will be updated as I get more information. The infamous Next Question series will also begin taking shape, so be on the lookout for those to come out soon.

Cordially,

Morpheus Randy

WK2 - the Return of McGuire

Happy Monday, my dear select-GM's.

We're two weeks into Randy's Children and we've yet to hear from our in-house (and possibly in-bred) star analyst, Pierre McGuire.

But not to worry; Commissioner Randy has in place an industry-leading high value retainer fee with McGuire, so he's here, forever. There's no escaping his analysis. So, shall we get to the weeks stats report, courtesy of the stats machine?

Adds McGuire: Heck yes!

Adds McGuire: Another strong, strong week for Safari. He was this week's top point accumulator, generating 78.75 fantasy points and maintained his lead over the pack. He was about 10 fantasy points better than Sitch and Burgundy, both who are still in hot (puck) pursuit. Tree Bone, however, misfired and generated a League-low 37.90 fantasy points.

Adds McGuire: Safari continues to lead PPGP as well, defecating on his competition by maintaining his roaring 4.61 PPGP (+0.01 since last week). Commissioner Randy said that a PPGP of this pace is unsustainable, but for now Safari's team is running like a well-oiled machine. Burgundy now sits second with a more 'realistic' PPGP of 3.79, followed by Sitch with a 3.74. Tree Bone sits fourth with a 3.11 (though this is down -0.25 since last week), while Dick Burns sits fifth with 2.34 (+0.24 since last week). 

Adds McGuire: As we can see through the Rainbow, Safari continues to dominate player stats; he's scoring at a respectable rate, but the big difference is that he's generating a very highly number of assists too. I find this very interesting, considering that in prior years select-GM's usually have to pick a side; they either try to be scoring leaders (goals) or other point leaders (essentially, being well-rounded in all other stat categories). Safari, for the time being, is holding court in almost all other areas, so he's giving zero fucks to historical standards.

Adds McGuire: No change in the rank; Safari has been the leader for two weeks straight.

Thanks McGuire.

In other news, I've heard whispers, rumours and tales floating about...

Aside from dedicating efforts to Randy's Children, each and every select-GM also #HAMs their other duties as citizens of the world. Whether it be conquering the field of fitness, mastering penial analytics, controlling the population of lynx, bossing children around or making people laugh, the select-GM's of the Randy Leagues put forth enormous effort to ensure they are the best person they can possibly be.

With this in mind, I've been informed that Safari will be making an employment transition to one of the most well-respected, highly innovative and influential companies in the world. Likewise, Sitch is also making an employment transition; it's been in the works for quite some time, slowly making its way like the flow of honey.

"Good things take time," said a tight-lipped Sitch. "Don't do it fast if you ain't doin' it right."

"That's what she said," chimed in Dick.

Wise words, Dick.

WK1 - Lion Unleashed

Time to break the cherry on the first stats report for Randy's Children 2017-2018.

WK1 is always an exciting time as it is the first time select-GM's get a look at their newly constructed teams. For some, it's a week of celebration as players overachieve and have insane shooting percentages (i.e. 50%) while others prematurely start digging themselves graves because their All-Star goalies get lit up on opening night. No fear, select-GM's; we've all seen this before. Ebbs and ---

"-- FLOWS, BITCHES!" screamed Burgundy.

Ahem... yes, that's right.

Anyways, WK1 belongs to African Lion Safari, who is fresh off his 2016-2017 Championship season. Opting to hold on to Austen Matthews (instead of his longtime Keeper Alex Ovechkin), Safari turned in an excellent week, posting top points earned (243.80) as well as an enormous 4.60 PPGP. Sustainable? Probably not, but impressive nonetheless.

Satisfied Lion.

Sitch, who currently sits second with 189.15 points and a 3.64 PPGP, stumbled out of the gate, as his skaters turned in a poor week (3.08 PPGP), but recovered with exceptional goalie performances (6.28 PPGP).

Third-seated Burgundy turned in a respectable week with 181.00 points and a 3.62 PPGP. He nearly matched the goal-scoring pace of Safari, but brought home about half of the assists, and severely lagged in goalie stats (his goalies generated 2.25 PPGP).

Tree Bone, sitting in fourth, did not have a high scoring week, but managed to pick up assists; her 161.00 fantasy points and 3.35 PPGP was respectable and keeps her well in the competition. However, like Burgundy, she also had a rough week with her goalies. Through WK1, she sports a League-low 2.05 PPGP from her goalies.

And finally, Team DB misfired during WK1, which is very odd considering Dick has been a notoriously fast starter. In previous seasons, he's either led or been the top two in the standings. However, this time around, his players and goalies faltered, and registered only 92.05 points and a 2.09 PPGP.

"Maybe this is the change I need," said Dick. "Slow start, strong finish. Just the way I like my honies."

Wise words, Dick.